Pick the right way to love.

by: Mathangi

If you’re one to do quizzes with friends and get excited over how “omg that’s so me!”, you've probably heard about the 5 love languages. They are words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time and physical touch - essentially ways you feel the most love from your loved ones. Everyone has different preferences on which comes first and which the least, but since I’ve just done a quiz - because I know my love language has probably changed - I’ll talk about mine.

It looks like my top love language is ‘quality time’, with a whooping 30%. It makes sense because I love spending uninterrupted time with my close friends and family, much preferring smaller crowds with true heart-to-hearts and hangouts where the people around me just get it - I don’t have to be someone else. That being said, I know my percentage of quality time is not as high as it could be because I also really love my alone time. Being by yourself could be said to be an extension of this love language anyway, since you’d spend quality time nurturing your own growth and mental health.

The second top love language to me is surprising to me. It was ‘physical touch’. I love myself a good hug but I have never felt comfortable accepting one from someone I’m not really close to - which makes sense now that I’ve written it out. But I’m always one hug away from feeling better - scientifically proven actually, since hugs help reduce anxiety by signaling to your body to slow down your heart rate.

The other 3 love languages all tied for third (or last) place, at 17% of the total score. That made sense to me because I have never been one for gifts, words of affirmation or acts of service. Not because they don’t feel nice but because I value the previous two way more on a day-to-day basis than these 3. Of course, being given a gift once in a while warms the heart, receiving acts of service feels amazing because you feel cared for, and words of affirmation mean a lot when you’re having that monthly hit of self-doubt. But for me these are more spaced out in the year for them to really hit home.

Saying this, I’ve seen how my friends and family have their own love languages too. Mine aligns a lot with my family’s but with friends, acts of service, words of affirmation or gifts play a big part in making them feel loved. I have a friend who would feel so much better with just a simple heartfelt message, and another who loves it when we get her the things she has in her online shopping basket, too expensive to buy but still too good to let go. It is really different for everyone, and it’s important to not mistake or assume theirs for yours. Knowing that is key, especially in this giving season.

Well, now that you’ve read this you know what you have to do next. Take a quiz on your love languages and see if it rings true!

Once you’ve done that, think about what the love languages of your loved ones are. Showing love to them the way they’d like to be cared for would make a world of a difference.