A year of anti-self-criticism

by Yingxuan Wang

I came to a realisation that although I write new year resolutions every year, I have never properly concluded my year end. It seems normal to set goals in the beginning of the year but yet it never occurs to me that reflection at year-end is equally important. So this time as I try to write everything down for the first time, it feels different…

A year of anti-self-criticism.

My 2021 can be categorised into three phases - the first seven months, August, and the rest of the year.

When everyone was affected by covid lockdown in the first seven months of 2021, I was starting my career as a young professional. The transition from being a student to a working adult was a lot for me to take in. Without proper coaching and guidance, I had unconsciously burdened myself with lots of stress. After the lockdown was lifted, I went out to socialise more than what I had normally done before lockdown. I travelled to different places every weekend. Little did I realise that I was actually in the mode of revenge (for not being able to travel during lockdown) and I actually did not enjoy all the social activities as much as I would imagine.

August was a break from work but it transitioned into a more intense study period. Things were crazy back then as I was required to cram my syllabus in less than a month and take the exam right after. I haven’t exaggerated at all if I say that time was the month that I had studied the hardest in my life. However, although it was a tiring month, I was happy as I was only asked to focus on my academics and nothing else more. With this, I get a break from being emotional as all my attention was spent on the books and exams. Just like the line in ‘The Alchemist’ says when you want something, the whole universe conspires in helping you achieve it. I then successfully passed my exams and this is certainly something that I will remember for a very long time.

After my study break, I was back to work and my normal life. This time, I can no longer run away from my emotions. I listened to a friend's advice and started to write a daily diary. This has helped me to relieve my stress and stop self doubting myself. Through writing, I was able to see how my feelings flow and stop myself from overthinking. This is why I love Openspace. This platform provides us security and confidence to express feelings and opinions without judgement, to do the right things or do the things right by accepting the opposite voices and reflecting upon ourselves. I truly believe society needs a place like this for young people to share their thoughts freely.

Now to reflect upon my own 2021. I am feeling more comfortable admitting that more improvements are needed and I am confident that I will transform into a better person in 2022.